Dealing with Haters Effectively

Dealing with haters is inevitable. Any time anyone has a goal for anything that would better themselves, the haters emerge. Sometimes it happens to be those you’d least expect. Those hurt. But in order to come out on top, you must understand the psychology behind the act of hating.

University of Pennsylvania Annenberg School for Communication indicates that there are two basic types of personalities in this regard. The positive dispositional attitude and the negative dispositional attitude. The positive falls along the lines of people who always see the good or positive in situations and in other people. The glass is half full. Yay! The negative dispositional people always see the negative in things and in others. They always have reason to complain or point out fault. The glass is half empty. The world is going to end.

But there are two interesting things that I’ve noted over the years based on my own experience. Given time, you’ll see these things play out in your own group of haters.

1. Haters in group 1 are quite happy with their own existence. They don’t necessarily feel the need to better themselves. But here you come saying you’re going to lose weight and get in shape. The hater will put down your efforts because you are indirectly highlighting the fact that they should be doing the same. You make them feel guilty. Many will see your betterment as a personal attack. Your enthusiasm about your goals makes them feel really uncomfortable and lacking on their own part. So, just like any schoolyard bully, they will put you down. Making you feel bad in turn elevates their own self esteem.
2. Haters in group 2 are actually trying to protect you. Wait…what?? It’s true. This type of hater is usually someone close to you. In a twisted way, they are trying to protect you from failure. They don’t want to see you beat yourself up when you fail yet another diet. So, by discouraging you or placing enough doubts in your head, they’ll get you to agree with them and quit before failure becomes an issue, thus avoiding the disappointment you’ll feel had you actually failed.

With friends like these, who needs enemies, right?

Well, here’s the thing about dealing with haters. The longer you’re able to ignore them and keep doing what you’re doing, they eventually stop talking. If they see that you’re not giving up, they will. They give up. You might hear the random comment at a family gathering, but it’s no longer a hateful one. “Oh, she’s the healthy one in the family,” or something of that nature.

So, for the group 1 haters, create distance. If something comes up that involves a gathering with food, either find an excuse not to go, or offer to bring a dish (ensuring that you can eat something there). The hater will jump on the chance to nitpick everything you do. If you don’t eat, they’ll nag about it. I created distance quite a bit in the beginning. I found that even after I reached my goal, I wasn’t in a hurry to bring those individuals back into my social group. Who needs all that negativity anyway?

For the group 2 haters, creating distance can be harder to do with close friends and family. Discussion is usually pointless, but if you insist you can point out that what you’re doing is important to you and you’d appreciate their support. And if they can’t be supportive, you’d appreciate not hearing their negativity as it is upsetting and hurtful to you.

But the absolute best way to get them to stop negative chatter is to just keep doing what you’re doing. Ignore them and keep doing you. Personally, I used the hater’s talk as my motivation each and every workout. I would do an extra set for each exercise in honor of the hater. Every time I did not give in to the box of donuts at work, I did a mental salute to the hater.

Before you know it, dealing with haters will be a non-issue.

The moment you start to see some serious progress, your haters disappear. They just stop talking. Well, actually, you might see an uptick when you get close to reaching your goal like I did. That’s when I got the comments about me being sick or asking if I had cancer. Yep. It’s true.

One came from a friend that I’ve distanced myself from. She became a nursing student and put on serious pounds while in school. She also put on a lot of “I’m a nursing student so now I know tons more about health than you do” attitude. This was despite the fact that my diet and training was coming from a fitness trainer of 20+ years who also happened to be an MD. Regardless, she went on to tell me that what I was doing (eating clean and regular exercise) was great but that I’d never be able to maintain that lifestyle for very long. Contrary to her outlook on my life, I’ve continued non-stop for nearly ten years as of this post and in the meantime, she’s had a mini stroke. Guess who’s now trying to do what I do?

My best advice is creating distance and continue to ignore them. They’ll go away. And if they insist on discouraging you, they’re providing you with tons of motivation! Use it. The last thing you want to hear from them is, “I told you so.” So, use their negativity to drive you to success. You’re not alone. Haters always emerge when someone tries to do better. So, instead of bemoaning your haters, think of it as a sign that you’re on the right track.